Via Culture Change, here are 21 things you can do to upstage and replace the global pollution economy (and prepare for peak oil among other converging issues).

* Buy a used car instead of a new one
* Trade clothes and other goods instead of buying
* Go to thrift stores, flea markets and lawn sales to buy anything
* Grow as much of your own food as possible. At least save compost material for gardeners
* Buy only local food, unpackaged (of all materials plastic is the worst)
* Eat food raw and make sprouts to minimize cooking, learn how to live without a refrigerator
* Use a clothes line to dry clothes, towels and sheets
* Plant trees and shrubs, preferably food-producing, especially in soil liberated via de-paving
* Share everything, especially energy-consuming appliances
* Change your job, if you commute (unless if by bike), to a closer job, or move closer to a job
* Get a bicycle, and hook up a trailer or cart when needed
* Don’t borrow money from an insitution (e.g., mortgage); pay rent. Never charge or pay interest
* Forsake jet travel, for it tears up the atmosphere and uses more fuel per capita than any other form of transportation except single-person cars
* Have only one child, or none, but do adopt

And if you have time:

* Oppose any new development of land that adds to energy consumption or subtracts from arable land
* Have your city council or county supervisors adopt measures to keep money within the community instead of enriching distant corporations
* Don’t pay for services you don’t use or approve of, even if others pay automatically
* Perform civil disobedience and noncooperation to change policies and protest wrongdoing by government, corporate and schools
* Slow down your pace, if you are trying to do a lot and seem too busy, and take the opportunity to spend time with family and friends
* Write letters to the editor about doing the above and about issues that make clear the need to support the ecosystem and fellow humans of the community
* Follow your dreams, put more love in your life, love yourself by taking care of your health instead of sacrificing it for society’s aims. Have fun, obey little, resist much

This is the week of the big move. I’ve lived at over 23 addresses in my life and this last one with Jeremy was by far the longest at over five years. It feels a little weird to be moving after not moving for so long, but at the same time, the motions of packing and schlepping are dreadfully familiar.

I found a house in inner SE Portland… right off the Hawthorne district, for those of you who know. I’ll be living with two fellows my own age, one is a social worker and one is a middle school social studies teacher. Combined with my Sociology degree, that’s just too much soc. under one roof! Heh. They’re cool and it’ll work out, I’m sure.

I am both a little freaked and really excited to be out on my own again. I like that I’ll be riding my bike or the bus to get where I need to go. I like that I have no clue what my life will look like a year from now - yes, I actually like that. I think I’m reacting to some of the sameness of the past few years being with one person. I feel most excited about the prospect of freedom in relationship. I like that if I want, I can stay up until 3am having a conversation and not worry about contacting someone at home, or have a sexual/cuddle fling if I so choose (both of these options are enormously appealing right now in their different ways, and combined…mmmmm).

I will get back to blogging about issues and arts too; I know this has been a lot of personal stuff the past few months. There’s lots to discuss!

Lots of personal upheaval right now. Jeremy and I are splitting up after 5 1/2 yrs. and I’m looking for my own place within the next week or so. I’m not going to go into a lot of detail here except to say that there is no animosity between us, there will always be love and friendship, and it was just time to move on. Better now than 10 years from now.

I am planning on continuing at my present job part time and definitely continuing my activist work. Also, I’ll be biking it/public trans-ing it and hope to live in inner SE Portland where the heart of my community is. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends who are reaching out to both Jeremy and I right now. Wow, what a blessing.

Can’t sleep…

The other day when I had the afternoon off from work, the weather was gorgeous and I was feeling restless and pensive. I took a walk in inner SE Portland, around Ladd Circle area. The sky was brilliantly blue and the trees in folks’ front yards and I were just in love with one another as I walked by them. There are pretty little rounds of grass in that neighborhood, rounds that the street circle and I sat on a bench amidst the not-yet-bloomed rose bushes in one of those rounds. I sat very still and listened to the birds, the squirrels, the distant cars of Division Street, the rustle of someone’s pants as they walked by. My heart broke in a thousand ways sitting there so present and I felt terribly fragile and absolutely in love with the world at the same time. An inspiration took me: to enjoy every moment and trust the universe. There was something really fresh in this; a feeling of okay.

Today, riding the bus down to a PPO evening, I had an insight into why that had felt so fresh: that I have never really trusted the universe very much. From a young age, I have believed down deep somewhere that God/the universe would always throw me a loop when I instead needed a break. When I was little and I would sense that my mother was entering a manic episode, I would pray over and over, “Please, please God, please have her not be sick,” and then, when she’d be in a hospital a week later and I’d be in foster care, I’d feel so alone, that no one was on my side, that no one had listened or cared.

I think this is why, in my worst moments, I feel utterly alone. It also explains why, when someone is straightforwardly supportive of me or makes a generous connection with me, I am so touched. I just don’t expect it. When I had this insight today, immediately I vowed to trust more, but I’m not sure how. However, I recall something in a magical book I am reading of Krishnamurti’s talks that relates:

If I say my mind is crude and I try to become sensitive, the very effort to become sensitive is a crudity. Whereas, if I recognize that I am crude without wanting to change, without trying to be sensitive, if I begin to understand what crudeness is, observe it in my life from day to day; then that very observation transforms what is… In understanding the crudeness, there is sensitivity.

Krishnamurti, Think on These Things, p. 14

In other words, I’m going to hang out with merely noticing in the moment when I lack trust or expect the worst rather than grasp at changing. Hmmm… trust that the trust will cultivate itself. That I am inherently loved is so profound to me.

This is interesting:

Presumably there is indeed no purpose in the ultimate fate of the cosmos, but do any of us really tie our life’s hopes to the ultimate fate of the cosmos anyway? Of course we don’t; not if we are sane. Our lives are ruled by all sorts of closer, warmer, human ambitions and perceptions.

- Richard Dawkins (source)

I like this. I’ve never been able to relate to folks who get depressed by the idea of no-fate. I think it’s wonderfully liberating. Just-is-ness as the only ultimate purpose there is… divine.

More meme.

This one from Pamela over at Paper Garden, a local friend I haven’t seen in ages:

Musical Magic 8 Ball: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

1. How does the world see me?
“Love is Stronger Than Pride” by Sade. Does that mean I come across as more loving than prideful? I hope so.

2. Will I have a happy life?
“I Am the City” by ABBA. Ha. I suppose this means that the answer is up to me? I am the city… I am the happy life?

3. What do my friends really think of me?
“God in an Alcove” by Bauhaus. Ok, I’m kinda worried now with lyrics like these:

…They saw they had to draw the line
So they sent him far away
So they sent him far away
To a little alcove
To a little alcove
All alone

He’s a God, a God

Now I am silly
Now I am silly
Silly, silly, silly, silly
Silly

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
“Watching Me Fall” by The Cure. Hmmm..

5. How can I make myself happy?
“Beware of Darkness” by George Harrison. Righteous!

6. What should I do with my life?
“This is the End” by Lycia. Perhaps I’ll die in my sleep tonight.

7. Will I ever have children?
“Sex Born Poison” by Air. Ok, this cracked me up! My future child - poison born of my womb!

8. What is some good advice for me?
“Let X=X” by Laurie Anderson. Good sound sense, that.

9. How will I be remembered?
“The Comforter” by Lisa Gerrard. Awwwww…..

10. What do I think my current theme song is?
“It Doesn’t Matter” by Chemical Brothers. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something?

11. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
“The Tigers Have Spoken” by Neko Case. Oh joy:

they shot the tiger on his chain
in a field behind the cages
walked in circles till he was crazy
and he lived that way forever

12. What song will play at my funeral?
“Something Ventured” by Mira. Yeah, I guess that’d be fitting.

13.. What type of men/women do you like?
“Oh, Me” by Nirvana. Umm, let’s hear it for self-love?

1) Bold what is true about you.
2) Italicize what you wish were true about you.
3) Add one true thing about you to the end of the list.

* I miss somebody right now.
* I don’t watch much TV these days.
* I love olives.
* I own lots of books.
* I wear glasses or contact lenses.
* I love to play video games.
* I’ve tried marijuana.
* I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
* I believe honesty is usually always the best policy.
* I curse sometimes.
* I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
* I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
* I’m TOTALLY smart.
* I have broken someone’s bones.
* I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
* I hate the rain.
* I’m paranoid at times.
* I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
* I need/want money right now.
* I love sushi.
* I talk really, really fast. Not always, but often either out of nervousness or giddyness
* I have fresh breath in the morning.
* I have long hair. (sort of, I cut it recently)
* I have lost money in Las Vegas.
* I have at least one sibling. (well, two half-siblings I’ve never met)
* I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
* I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
* I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
* I like the way that I look. (sometimes yes, sometimes no)
* I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
* I know how to cornrow.
* I am usually pessimistic.
* I have a lot of mood swings.
* I think prostitution should be legalized.
* I think Britney Spears is pretty. Not beautiful though, haha
* I slept with a roommate.
* I have a hidden talent.
* I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
* I have a lot of friends. & by “a lot” i mean “enough” which is really as many as you could ever ask for
* I am currently single.
* I have kissed someone of the same sex.
* I enjoy talking on the phone.
* I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants. (god, I love flannel pj pants)
* I love to shop.
* I enjoy window shopping.
* I would rather shop than eat.
* I would classify myself as ghetto.
* I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
* I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
* I don’t hate anyone.
* I’m a pretty good dancer. (pretty good??)
* I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
* I have a cell phone.
* I believe in God.
* I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
* I’ve rejected someone before.
* I currently love someone.
* I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
* I want to have children in the future.
* I have changed a diaper before.
* I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
* I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
* I’m not allergic to anything.
* I have a lot to learn. (not sure it’s about “learning”)
* I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger. (14 years older)
* I am shy around the opposite sex.
* I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
* I have at least 5 away messages saved.
* I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
* I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
* I own the “South Park” movie.
* I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
* When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum.
* I enjoy some country music. (Dolly, mainly)
* I would die for my best friends.
* I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
* I watch soap operas whenever I can.
* I’m obsessive, and often a perfectionist.
* I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
* I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all. (although I will always love “Thriller”)
* I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”.
* Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
* I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
* I have dated a close friend’s ex. (oh yeah - we literally did a boyfriend swap)
* I like surveys/memes.
* I am happy at this moment.
* I’m obsessed with guys. (hmm….sometimes)
* Democrat.
* Conservative Republican.
* I am punk rockish.
* I am preppy.
* I go for older guys/girls, not younger
* I study for tests most of the time.
* I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met. (two loops!)
* I can work on a car.
* I love my job.
* I am comfortable with who I am right now.
* I have more than just my ears pierced.
* I walk barefoot wherever I can.
* I have jumped off a bridge.
* I love sea turtles.
* I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
* I believe in prophetic dreams.
* I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
* I am proficient on a musical instrument.
* I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
* I hate office jobs.
* I love sci-fi movies.
* I think water rules.
* I went to college out of state.
* I am adopted.
* I like sausage.
* I am a pyro.
* I love the Red Sox.
* I have thrown up from crying too much.
* I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
* I love kisses.
* I fall for the worst people and have been hurt.
* I adore bright colors.
* I love Dear Abby.
* I can’t live without black eyeliner.
* I think school is awesome.
* I think pigtails serve a purpose.
* I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
* I usually like covers better than originals.
* I don’t like multi-textured ice cream.
* I think John Cusack is adorable.
* I hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
* I watch Food Network way too much.
* I love coaching youth sports.
* I can pick up things with my toes.
* I have ridden/owned a horse.
* I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
* I can’t stick to a diet.
* I talk in my sleep.
* I’ve often thought that I was born in the wrong century. (wrong millenia, perhaps)
* I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
* Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
* I have jazz in my blood.
* I would not be friends if they weren’t family.
* I wear a toe ring. (I have been known to)
* I have a tattoo.
* I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
* I am a caffeine junkie.
* I know who Santos L. Halper is.
* I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.
* I love wrestling.
* I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I’m not ashamed at all.
* If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.
* I cosplayed or know what cosplaying is.
* I have been to over 15 conventions.
* I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.
* I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner.
* I’m an artist.
* I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.
* I am ambidexterous.
* I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed.
* My computer has a name.
* If it weren’t for having to see other people naked, I’d live in a nudist colony.
* I have terrible teeth.
* I hate my toes.
* I did this Meme even though I wasn’t tagged by the person who took it before me.
* I have more friends on the internet than in real life.
* I have lived in either three different states/provinces or countries.
* I am extremely flexible.
* I love hugs more than kisses. (sometimes)
* I want to own my own business.
* I smoke or have tried cigarettes.
* I have met a star from ABC’s LOST.
* I spend way too much time on the computer than on anything else.
* Nobody has ever said I’m normal.
* Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tears every now and then.
* I am proficient in the use of many types firearms and combat weapons.
* I like the way women look in stylized men’s suits.
* I don’t like it when people are displeased or seem displeased with me.
* I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.
* I have played tennis with my non dominant hand before.
* I have played strip poker with someone else before. (but strip Trivial Pursuit, yes!)
* I read the labels on food, shampoo, and other things just because.
* I have emotional problems for which I have sought professional help.
* I believe in ghosts and the paranormal.
* I can’t stand being alone.
* I have at least one obsession at any given time.
* I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again.
* I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.
* I know what THAC0 means.
* I have a signed Tom Servo head.
* I’m a judgmental asshole.
* I’m a HUGE drama-queen.
* I was a Spice Girls fan and I’m proud of it.
* I have traveled on more than one continent.
* I sometimes wish my father would just disappear. (oh, whoops, he already did!)
* I have seen every single episode of more than one television show.
* I need people to tell me I’m good at something in order to feel that I am.
* I am a Libertarian.
* I can sing songs in languages I don’t speak.
* I can speak more than one language.
* I can fall asleep even if the whole room is as noisy as it can be.
* I am ovulating.
* I am very confused.
* I believe that everything ends.
* I like happy endings.
* I ask too many questions.
* I am a closet philanthropist.
* I can recite all 50 states in alphabetical order, from memory.
* I would rather read than watch TV. (but I do love movies)
* I like reading fact more than fiction.
* I have pulled an all-nighter on an assignment I was given a month to do.
* I have at one time considered becoming an assassin using only a knife and a pack of gum.
* My parents never gave me a set allowance.
* I have no piercings.
* I have spent the night in a train station or other public place.
* I have been so upset over my physical gender that I cried.
* I have more pets than I have good friends.
* I prefer peace over passion. (ooh, tricky, though)
* I never know what to say on these lists, and feel like I lack something profound.
* I like apples. (fuji, please)
* I cannot snap my fingers.
* I am clumsy and bruise easily.
* I consume at least 2L of coke a day.
* I have lost all hope for humanity. (sometimes)
* I have a powerful imagination that knows few if any bounds.
* I am currently studying Latin, and am enjoying it very much.
* I’m a virgin and sometimes feel like the only one left.
* I feel like no one my age understands me.
* Dude I am loving biology
* I once shaved my head, in part because of a Tegan & Sara song.
* I’ve made a relative cry.
* I wish it were so easy for us all to be authentic.