I’m in particular mood that I’m going to try to capture in words, because I’m in particular moods like this often and never try this:
Feeling really human right now, separated from my body and rooted in my body at the same time. Detached. Observant. Grey sky above grey buildings. The achy song “Amo Bishop Roden” - gophers… there goes my inner synesthete. Feeling I could break into a million little pieces right here in this cafe, life is so real and big and moving. I am so moved. I am so inspired by the realness of other people, other living beings. Everything seems so fraught with ego…difficult to escape, to live outside of that. In fact, it’s egotistical to even try. Just be, be, be, be, be. I am so in love with people. So full of wonder at music. I want to grab it all up in my arms and be full of it. The wonder is too big. Big in a dizzying way.
Had a breakdown (in a good way - a breakdown of “breaking stuff down”) last Friday night getting that I’m such a phony actress. Tired of my own acting; moved by my own capacity for authenticity. Recommitted to who I really am beyond this ego skin. All I really want to live on this planet is a life of connection. And with that, I’m already connected.