Strangechord

‘Twas a wonderful and quiet birthday. I feel thoroughly fine about turning 28 (unlike I did when turning 25 and 26) because I am glad for who I am at this point in my life. At 25, I was still really seduced by the notion of “success” - not necessarily financial or conventional career-type success, but achievement-oriented success. I compared myself to where others were at 25, with their college degrees and career tracks begun. I assumed those people knew their place in the world where I did not yet. I freaked out for years over this.

Now, years of transformation later, I more highly value conscientousness, authenticity and lovingness - the cultivation of connectedness to and mindfulness of other living beings. There is a Kafka quote I identify with so strongly, it’s been my e-mail signature this whole year: “From a certain point onward, there is no turning back. That is the point that must be reached.” I rarely yearn for success as defined by our culture - the accumulation of money, desirability, status, and “hipness”. My sense of worthiness is no longer measured by those things, and I have learned too much not to see that a life spent striving to attain those things is ultimately very hollow. It is important to me to make a difference, to be real and true, and to share. I feel that the structure of my life and my actions reflect that more often than not, and it only matches more as time goes on.

My math brain friend, Jeff, pointed out to me in an e-card this morning that 28 is a perfect number. And today I feel where I am at 28 is perfect.