Strangechord

I can’t tell if I’m either not as good a writer as I always thought I was, or whether I am just so overwhelmed by the need to write something profound, something that will get across to you, that I’m paralyzed most times I sit down to write here.

I tend to approach action very all-or-nothing. When it comes to many things, if I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to attempt it at all. Even when I was a kid, when Mom told me I had to clean my bedroom before I could go outside, instead of just shoving everything under the bed or into the closet like a normal kid, I would spend hours really cleaning my room. It bugged me not to - like, as long as I have to do this thing, I want to do it right. It’s a blessing and a curse. It’s a curse when I’m compelled to take action and I stop because I don’t know the “perfect” way to go about it. I’ve broken through this on a number of individual occasions, but then it crops up like a beast’s head regrown to hold me back in another situation. And then I cannot break through again until I recognize this tendency is at work, meet it, and then create another way of “being” around the action. That’s why I’m writing this today.
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