Strangechord

This came from my mom, who instilled in me my love of words. The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. The following were some recent winning entries.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Flatulence (n.), the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die, your soul goes
up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.