Strangechord

Just got home from my ILP classroom. I distinguished tonight that I have a pretense of “oh, I’m so swamped and busy” and what that hides is that I’m afraid to put myself out there in life and really be bold and related and powerfully in action because I’m afraid if I “fail”, that would reveal to me how non-extraordinary I REALLY am. The impact is that I’m very sad, frustrated, anxious, fearful, lonely, and unfulfilled. The possibility I invent for myself and my life is the possibility of BEING EXTRAORDINARY!! The triumph of that is that I really got that extraordinariness shows up in so many ways, and I’m the only one telling myself that I’m not extraordinary; no one else is telling me that. Stepping into that possibility gives me freedom to be courageous and make a difference for others and to indulge myself in what lights me up about life. I was so touched by everyone’s support of me tonight; everywhere I turned, fellow ILPers were telling me how extraordinary I am. It took something to be with all of that acknowledgement though, because my story about myself being small and lame is so familiar and strong. This program is sock-it-to-ya, I’m telling you.

Tomorrow a lot of us are going over to Lori’s house to do “mirror work”, one of the ILP homework assignments due at the second weekend (next weekend in San Fran). We’re going to try on being 10 times more excited, 10 times more angry, 10 times more sad, etc… in the mirror and see what we have a tough time being with. Apparently, whatever one can’t be with in another (or in the mirror) is what one can’t be with about oneself. This’ll be interesting for my “I’m obnoxious” story about myself!

So, anyway, I want to say that I am totally for everyone in the world experiencing love and full self expression and each person’s capacity for making a difference.

Good night.